Hey what is up Shoebox! I hope you guys had a good week. Mine was better than the last one. I apologize for going off on the last post, I still love you guys, I guess, I just was not in the blogging mood. However, my vibe has been checked and now I am back and better than ever. Now just pay attention to this blog, its probably the most important yet.
I’m pretty sure everyone has been dissed in some way, shape, or form. Your opponent more than likely made you feel embarrassed, defenseless, and most of all stupid. In that moment, you probably wished you too knew how to construct a verbal attack upon your adversary which would make them run off terrified of your insulting abilities. Lucky for you, I am the roasting master, and I have come up with a simple formula which will guarantee a solid roast in any possible situation. Note, this is intended for novice roasters and more creative methods can be used by one who have truly mastered this art.
Step One: “The Boi”
When commencing your roast, you want to start with this basic gesture known as “The Boi.” This simple move involves the flick of the wrist with your palm outstretched and pointed towards the roastee. This first step not only demonstrates your dominance over whoever you are roasting, it also instills fear within your opponent as it notifies them that their roast has begun and there is no going back. On a side note, “The Boi” can also be used as a counter-roast. If someone is dissing you just throw “The Boi” at them. This will put them in a state of confusion and despair as you have just invalidated their roast. All in all, “The Boi” is vital to the art of roasting, as it is usually used to initiate a longer roast and is used as defensive maneuver against attacking roasts.
Step Two: “Yeaaaaaaaa”
The follow up to the legendary “Boi” is the step in which you truly assert yourself over the person in which you are roasting. All this step entails is you, the roaster, getting in the face of your roastee, while saying, “yeaaaaaaa.” If you wish to be creative you may say, “yeaaaaaa, you flustered boi.” It is also recommended to utilize a clapping move while in the face of your unlucky victim. This adds style points as well as further fear and confusion for the person which you are roasting. This intermediary step towards the full roasting process is simple, sweet, and to the point, but may have means for modification depending on the user.
Step Three: “Put ‘Em Out!”
The third step of this fundamental roasting procedure merely emphasizes what you have done to prey. This ultimately draws a connection between roasting done in a culinary sense and actual roasting (what you are doing). Just as one may need to cool down a pot roast after roasting, you have to essentially “cool down” the roastee after you have metaphorically “burned them.” Contrary to the image shown above, ice buckets are usually not in the vicinity of a common roast, so simply fanning the roastee with your hands should suffice. While preforming your “cool down,” it is common to recite the phrase “put ’em out, put ’em out!” This will ultimately notify the roastee that you are still committed to the roast and give off an impression of ruthlessness, which will ensure that those witnessing this spectacle will not challenge you in verbal combat.
Step Four: Celebratory Motion
Step four is the finishing touch to the roast in which you have just preformed. The beauty of this step is that the “Celebratory Motion” used is left completely open to the roaster. Some of the most common moves used in this final step include the “Whip,” the “Nae-Nae,” and the “Whoa.” This highlights your enjoyment of the roast and serves as a warning to your roastee as you are not afraid to roast them again. After this is preformed, the roastee will more then likely to scurry off, warning their friends of your prowess. Congratulations! You just did a roast!
Closing Remarks
Now you guys know how to roast! Don’t be afraid to use these steps in any situation you find yourself in. I hope this process will nurture your roasting abilities so you too may grow into a roast master such as myself. But make sure to thank yours truly for instructing you in such an indispensable craft by following @andy_schuster on Instagram. That’s all I got guys. Happy roasting!
The Shoebox 